Making A Connection

A Disappointing Interaction

(Take crayons and pencils away)
That is not what we're doing right now.
Close your desk.
If you can't handle sitting at your desk, I will take it away.
(Take desk away)
If you can't sit in your chair the right way, I will take it away too.
Student lays across the seat of the chair and slouches in sitting position.
You need to sit up.
Student mumbles.
What are you mumbling about?
Student mumbles more and finishes with the word b!($#.
Who are you calling that name?
You.
We do not use that word at school.
I can say it whenever I want at home.
Great, when you go home, say it whenever you want. But not at school.
I've been saying it since I was a kid.
Well, you still are a kid and we do not talk that way.
Student glares at me.
I need you to stand up and go sit down over there on the floor.
You can't make me.
You're right, I can't... but I am asking you and I hope you choose to listen.
Picks up a pencil from the desk... I am going to break this.
That isn't necessary...
Student snaps a pencil in half.
That's sad because that was one of your pencils that I took away.
Student makes sure to take a pencil that isn't theirs and breaks it.

Taking the Time 

I addressed the whole class and instructed them to complete the next activity for the day once they were finished with the current one and then pulled my pencil-breaking-swearing student aside. I told this student that I want to know them to which they responded, "Why?! I don't know you!" "You are right, but I want you to know me too." We talked for a few minutes and I learned what they like and don't like and listened attentively (redirecting the class when they got a little noisy) as this student barely answered my gentle and kindly asked questions with full-on attitude and arms crossed. I talked about respect and allowing them to do what they want after they've done what I've asked them to do. I asked if they were ready to sit in their chair the right way, at their desk the right way, and follow my directions. After a glare and a nod, I moved the desk back as the student sat down and started to work.

Evidence

We had a great afternoon... and no problems arose. The student smiled once during an interaction we had. During dismissal, the student left to walk home and I said, "See you tomorrow" with a smile. No more than 2 minutes later, the student returned to me from behind and gave me a hug. I squeezed them back... and was speechless.




*** The next day, this student was writing on their name tag across the top center of the desk... I walked over and saw that they had written a different swear word in 3 of the polka dots of the design. I said, "I need you to erase that." Without any attitude or argument, the student flipped their pencil upside down and erased the words.
*** Two days later, this student gave me one of their "special" pencils and said, "You can keep this."